2nd day-2nd sem

Ok, this is by far, the worst moment of my 2nd semester. I am currently at home typing this..half an hour ago, i was at school in my Filitwo class which ran from 7.30-10.30 am. I still have my biochem lab class this afternoon. So why am I at home?? Because freakin' biochem starts at 4.30pm. What am I supposed to do for six hours?? So I decided to go home and take a nap, but I was afraid that due to my exhaustion from my filitwo class (3 hours of Filipino class can be really exhausting!), my "short nap" will turn into a deep sleep and I'm afraid that I won't get into my next class on time. I don't wanna be late. I've never been late in my classes ever since i started schooling.

Anyway, I hate this schedule because it's so weird. I'm not used to going home from school and then going back to school again for my next class. I mean, if I stayed at school, what am I supposed to do there??? Rot myself in the library??? Ugh. And by the way, what really pisses me off in this kind of set-up is that our lab classes (anatomy and biochem), were divided into two separate groups. What's wrong with it?? It's because all my friends belong to group 2 while I'm the only one left to rot alone in group one. I really want us all to be together. I wanna be with them too! Specially with Donna, because were supposed to go home together. Wala na akong kasabay magbyahe pauwi!

By the way, our Clinical Instructor announced that we are going to have clinical exposures this semester. Clinical exposure is another way of saying that we're going to have hospital duties..magduduty na daw kami! As early as first year! Whaatt?? OMG! During the first semester, we're already hearing rumors about this, but I never thought that it will be implemented right away. I mean, i know that we'll have to do it eventually, but I never thought that it would be sooner than I thought. The idea of having a duty in the hospital didn't really sink in to me until now. While I was listening to that announcement, I feel like someone's yelling in my head: "This is it! Nursing na talaga 'to! OMG!" At first i was excited, but it was suddenly replaced by a feeling of fear--fear that I won't do good in practical nursing procedures. I know I'm quite good when it comes to academics and written exams, but i don't know if I can survive the real nursing world. What if my skills weren't enough? What if I fail my return demos and practical exams? That thought got me into thinking that "Do I really wanna be a nurse? Am i ready to be one?"

The answer, of course, is NO. I know it deep inside because of the fear that's gripping my heart right now. But then again I thought, "Hey, I'm only in my first year as a student nurse! Of course I'm not ready. Who is??" I suddenly remembered the very purpose of being in school. I'm here because i have to learn. I am here because I am not ready YET. I am yet to discover what my abilities are, to enhance them so that it may be useful in the future. Who knows, I might just be a good nurse after all! Right now, all I have to do is do my best and get rid of this fear inside of me. I have to start learning how to think positively.